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That's Mine!
The Difficult Art of Toddler Sharing
Kristen Mosser was mortified to hear from the other parents in her son Bradley's nursery school that her son "wasn't a good sharer. It's the most horrible feeling in the world," she says. Mosser is not alone in her despair. There probably isn't a mother alive who hasn't cringed in embarrassment at least once when her child refused to share, or worse pulled a toy from a playmate's hand.
The battle doesn't have to be entirely uphill, though. It's important to remember that toddlers are just beginning to learn social skills. From the moment babies are born, their adoring parents rush to satisfy their every need. To expect them to suddenly and spontaneously give generously of themselves is more than a little far-fetched. Rather, parents should keep their expectations realistic, and encourage their children to share by doing so themselves. |
"I made a point of sharing things with my kids," says Debby Hecht. "If I eat an apple, I offer to share slices with them. If they crawl into my bed on Saturday morning, I share my pillow with them. I tell them I'm sharing because I love them."
Simply exposing your toddler to other children will help him learn to share. "There was one child in my daughter's daycare who absolutely wouldn't share," Hecht says. "The other kids let him know how unhappy they were loudly. I think peer pressure forced him into sharing."
Ann Rombauer, herself a licensed home daycare provider, knows what it's like to be the mother of the one kid who won't share. "My son refused to share with anyone. At first I saw it as a personal failure I make my living taking care of kids, and here mine was behaving so badly."
After speaking with other child educators, Rombauer took an ingenious approach she gave her son a taste of his own medicine. "I sat down with his favorite book and started to read," she says. "Of course, he wanted to sit and read with me, but I told him I wanted the book all for myself. It almost broke my heart to see him standing there, looking at me, but I forced myself to keep reading. And after a minute or two, he brought over some toys and asked me if I wanted to play with him. He still doesn't always share as much as I'd like him to, but we're definitely making progress."
