"I wonder if [the twins] time those precise moments in which I am stuck having to decide whether to run after the one heading for the parking lot or the one eight rungs up a ladder in the park," says Shlomit Ben-Michael, mother of 2-year-old boys.

For the parents of singleton toddlers, this may sound like a veritable nightmare, but parents of twin toddlers are all too familiar with this scenario. The terrible twos earned that moniker for a reason. But perhaps we are looking at this stage the wrong way. With proper understanding of what children are actually experiencing and struggling to tell their parents and the world around them by exhibiting such behavior, the terrible twos can be terrific, even for parents of twins.

What's Behind the Behavior?
"If we use a negative expression, we will approach [the toddlers] with a negative expectation," says Vicki Folds, early childhood expert and vice president of education for Tutor Time Learning Systems Inc. These 2-year-olds are gaining both independence and new intellectual and physical abilities so quickly that "parents are often caught off guard."

"Outward out-of-bounds behaviors are the result of all the activity of emerging abilities going on in their bodies," says Folds. This age group generally becomes frustrated due to lack of free speech or their inability to accomplish whatever task they are working on. As a result, well-meaning parents may hurry the task along or even complete it, causing the toddler to become more frustrated and agitated.

So what are the parents of these emerging independent individuals meant to do in these situations? "Chill, take a deep breath and allow the 2-year-olds to become independent learners," says Folds. "If a child is not hurting himself or others, let the tantrum run its course." The process of learning self-control is beginning, and the goal is for the child to eventually be able to "modify his or her behaviors within the social norms and have a great sense of self."

Tried and True Tactics
There certainly are times, however, when a parent must intervene. When a child is engaged in behavior that may harm himself or others, that child's behavior must be modified.

Folds finds "diversionary tactics" work well. "If a child is fixated on a particular overt behavior, distract and divert their attention to something different," she says. The child is likely acting this way because she does not yet have the skills to control her behavior. "The role of the adult is not to get caught up in that emotion, but rather to introduce a new stimulus."

"In the midst of a tantrum, a favorite toy will distract our kids and make them forget the reason for the tantrum in the first place," says Michael Goodwin, father to boy and girl 2-year-olds. Still, two children throwing tantrums at the same time can be overwhelming. Maintaining a sense of humor is key, he says. "It's kind of funny to see both of them throw a fit and yell in stereo."

Ben-Michael and her husband once made the mistake of taking their tired boys to a hotel dining room for a nice meal. Needless to say, the meal did not go as she had planned, but when the boys were practically hanging from the chandeliers, pulling off tablecloths and screaming simultaneously, "our first reaction was to burst out laughing," she says. "Something my experiences have taught me is tune in to your kids and have realistic expectations for them."

Set Some Rules
"Parents of twins must set up house rules that they reinforce by modeling the appropriate behaviors," says Folds. "That means the parents must remain calm and have a sense of humor – however we handle the beginning years will be reflected in the teenage years." Of equal importance, parents should "be consistent, be guiding, be fair," says Folds. These children are going through a period where stress should be placed on schedules, clearly defined expectations and letting children know what comes next. This way, says Folds, "children will learn to pace themselves."

Beneficial Bonding
Although it may be difficult to cope when you have two kids going through this stage at the same time, there is also something to be said for the beauty of the relationship between twin siblings at this stage. Competition aside, twins may also stand up for the rights of a sibling scorned, and provide each other with encouragement and incentive to develop and excel.

"The competition [between the twins] sometimes works in our favor," says Ben-Michael. "Like in potty training – we have one son who is really interested in the potty and after several successes, the other one, who previously had shown very little interest, is now striving for excellence in this field. They worry about each other like an old married couple. If I hand a Popsicle to one, he holds out his hand [waiting for another one] and brings it to his brother."

According to Folds, twins develop an inner bond during early childhood as a source of strength and security. At such a young age, she says, it is not advisable to break them up into separate activities or environments. In fact, for some parents of twins, it may be easier to keep them together consistently (despite the possibility of synchronized tantrums and mischievous behavior) because they are going through the same stage at the same time, and they will share most of the same likes. "I find myself encouraging joint behavior so that I can be with both at the same time," says Ben-Michael.

Hard as it may sometimes be to withstand, this stage is not permanent. In fact, when the kids are teens, a parent may find him or herself reminiscing about the 2-year-old period when life was easier.

"Enjoy the wonder of twins," says Folds. Instead of wishing for it to end, try embracing this period, understanding that it is a healthy and exciting part of your children's development. For your 2-year-olds, "this is the time for experiences to be those they can see, hear and get their hands on." For them, to understand a concept is to experience it.

So relax, keep perspective and take this stage one experience at a time.

Want to see more?

• Two at Once: Becoming a Parent of Twins
• Twin Language: Talking the Same Talk
• Two Peas in a Pod: Ten Ways to Encourage Individuality in Twin Toddlers
• Talk about it!